What is it? It's actually IT. Which stands for the two coolest things on earth (in the opinion of Napoleon Dynamite, Ninja Master and a bunch of other nerdalingers). Information. Technology. If I got this wrong, stop reading. If I got it right, prepare for hyperspeed because we're about to dig deep into some of the most righteous futuristic really cool stuff plus there's babes like that chick from Heavy Metal in there.
Alright...ready? HYPERSPEEEEEEEED
I work for the coolest company ever and I according to the Chief Master Warlord of Information Technology am the Bread Winner. This is correct. As shown by my fine collection of shirts and trophies and gold and babes. Soon I will have a pirate ship on wheels, also known as a Jeep Cherokee.
Other IT allstars include The Terminator and Joel. The Terminators name is not The Terminator but he sounds like him sometimes. How are ya? Sounds like Who are you? Also, I was telling him how awesome it was to close that big account in Chicago and he kept telling me to sh*t the fuck up and he asked me who my father was and what his profession was.
Joel is not named Joel but he looks like Joel would if Joel lived somewhere other than Joel's old town or Joel's new town. Joel is awesome, he hasn't worked here long but he looks like Joel. I'm gonna teach him to say stuff like Aww Yeah Dude.
Me: Joel whatssss happening
Joel: My name is (censored)
Me: Aww yeah dude!
Joel: Aww yeah dude? Are you retarded sir?
Me: Sweet you totally said aww yeah dude.
END OF STORY.
JOELLLLLL RETURN TO 200% AWESOME PLEEEASEEEEE
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Friday of Excellence
So I was playing NBA Jam on Sega Genesis one day and I realized how totally sick the Charlotte Hornets were. Zo teamed up with Gram Ma Ma. Nobody can stop this. Oh let's go with the Phoenix Suns...Charles Barkley? Dan Majerle? Who's coming to play?! Depends on the version you have. Or the Seattle Supersucks. Shawn Kemp. Detlef Schrempf. Oh great now I'm totally gonna go on a tirade about Detlef Schrempf. That guy sucks so bad. That guy is the guy who's at the carnival and he says you're too short to ride that ride but really it's because the ninjas got real scared on the ride and they have difficulty dealing with their emotions.
In other news, the Red Sox are friggin awesome. Ever since they got rid of their head ninja, Manny Ramirez and allowed the rowdy pirates of Pedroia, Youkilis and basically the entire pitching staff take over, it's been ridiculous out there. JD DREW is amazing. Now don't get me wrong...a rowdy team of pirates needs a couple ninjas out there to level things out.
Jason Varitek. Jason Varitek is like David Carradine from Kung Fu. Or David Carradine from the Yellow Book commercials. Anyways, I really don't have time in my life to keep up with blogging. I play on the most ridiculous kickball team of all time, we are undefeated and we kick more balls than Rochambeau himself. I also have been meeting a lot of cool people in my journey, ninja siren babes who sing the most beautiful karaoke, bodacious pirate babes who used to wear eye patches, bartender ladies who remember my name and simply say "What the F*** Do you want Giorgio?!?!"
Things are really awesome. On this day. The Friday of Excellence. Which helps us remember that although Friday is a day of almighty beastmodical righteousness, it is on Sumday when the great gods of ninjas and pirates alike join forces together, in the high heavens, to drink Diet Mountain Dew and rip totally sick solos on their Fender Nashville style Telecasters with the Seymour Duncan hot rails built in for extra hard southern rock mind-bottling face melting heart shredding brain freezing quadricep crampening 29 minute long versions of 4 minute songs so that you think the next guy is gonna take the next solo but then all of a sudden he starts breaking into Frankenstein by Edgar Winter Group at which point you're pretty much in it for the long haul because the rock is like an invincible force field that's also invisible so you can't even see how awesome it is but you can definitely feel it just like on that episode of Lost where those giant metal things are like fences that you can't go through unless you're that bad guy on the others but he would totally die in the next season if he actually heard the type of guitar solos I am talking about here which would pretty much be the only way to end that show?! Oh and by the way, I've been working on some acoustic guitar riffs because to be honest, that's the coolest way to add on to your already massive pile of babes.
In other news, the Red Sox are friggin awesome. Ever since they got rid of their head ninja, Manny Ramirez and allowed the rowdy pirates of Pedroia, Youkilis and basically the entire pitching staff take over, it's been ridiculous out there. JD DREW is amazing. Now don't get me wrong...a rowdy team of pirates needs a couple ninjas out there to level things out.
Jason Varitek. Jason Varitek is like David Carradine from Kung Fu. Or David Carradine from the Yellow Book commercials. Anyways, I really don't have time in my life to keep up with blogging. I play on the most ridiculous kickball team of all time, we are undefeated and we kick more balls than Rochambeau himself. I also have been meeting a lot of cool people in my journey, ninja siren babes who sing the most beautiful karaoke, bodacious pirate babes who used to wear eye patches, bartender ladies who remember my name and simply say "What the F*** Do you want Giorgio?!?!"
Things are really awesome. On this day. The Friday of Excellence. Which helps us remember that although Friday is a day of almighty beastmodical righteousness, it is on Sumday when the great gods of ninjas and pirates alike join forces together, in the high heavens, to drink Diet Mountain Dew and rip totally sick solos on their Fender Nashville style Telecasters with the Seymour Duncan hot rails built in for extra hard southern rock mind-bottling face melting heart shredding brain freezing quadricep crampening 29 minute long versions of 4 minute songs so that you think the next guy is gonna take the next solo but then all of a sudden he starts breaking into Frankenstein by Edgar Winter Group at which point you're pretty much in it for the long haul because the rock is like an invincible force field that's also invisible so you can't even see how awesome it is but you can definitely feel it just like on that episode of Lost where those giant metal things are like fences that you can't go through unless you're that bad guy on the others but he would totally die in the next season if he actually heard the type of guitar solos I am talking about here which would pretty much be the only way to end that show?! Oh and by the way, I've been working on some acoustic guitar riffs because to be honest, that's the coolest way to add on to your already massive pile of babes.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
His name is now officially Chad Ocho Cinco
Is there a bigger pirate in all of professional sports? I think not...
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-bengals-ochocinco&prov=ap&type=lgns
Bengals WR Johnson reportedly changes name
Aug 29, 10:12 pm EDT
Buzz Up
Print
CINCINNATI (AP)—Maybe receiver Chad Johnson can go by the name that his head coach hates.
The Cincinnati Bengals receiver has legally changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco in Broward County, Fla., a switch that became official this week, according to several media reports. Johnson, who lives in Miami, didn’t return a message left on his cell phone Friday night.
“It’s something I don’t think anyone has ever done before,” he told the team’s Web site. “Have I ever had a reason for why I do what I do? I’m having fun.”
Two years ago, Johnson gave himself the moniker—a reference in Spanish to his No. 85—and put it on the back of his uniform before a game. Quarterback Carson Palmer ripped it off before the kickoff. After the season, coach Marvin Lewis—who dislikes Johnson’s attention-getting stunts—referred to the receiver as “Ocho Psycho.”
Bengals spokesman Jack Brennan said the Bengals had no comment on the matter.
Johnson has been a concern for the Bengals this season. He unsuccessfully lobbied for a trade in the offseason, threatening to sit out if he didn’t get his way. When the Bengals refused, he relented and showed up for minicamp, but complained that his right ankle was bothering him.
He had bone spurs removed from the ankle and was limited at the start of training camp. In the second preseason game, he landed awkwardly and temporarily dislocated his left shoulder. Johnson is wearing a harness and expects to play in the season opener against Baltimore.
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-bengals-ochocinco&prov=ap&type=lgns
Bengals WR Johnson reportedly changes name
Aug 29, 10:12 pm EDT
Buzz Up
CINCINNATI (AP)—Maybe receiver Chad Johnson can go by the name that his head coach hates.
The Cincinnati Bengals receiver has legally changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco in Broward County, Fla., a switch that became official this week, according to several media reports. Johnson, who lives in Miami, didn’t return a message left on his cell phone Friday night.
“It’s something I don’t think anyone has ever done before,” he told the team’s Web site. “Have I ever had a reason for why I do what I do? I’m having fun.”
Two years ago, Johnson gave himself the moniker—a reference in Spanish to his No. 85—and put it on the back of his uniform before a game. Quarterback Carson Palmer ripped it off before the kickoff. After the season, coach Marvin Lewis—who dislikes Johnson’s attention-getting stunts—referred to the receiver as “Ocho Psycho.”
Bengals spokesman Jack Brennan said the Bengals had no comment on the matter.
Johnson has been a concern for the Bengals this season. He unsuccessfully lobbied for a trade in the offseason, threatening to sit out if he didn’t get his way. When the Bengals refused, he relented and showed up for minicamp, but complained that his right ankle was bothering him.
He had bone spurs removed from the ankle and was limited at the start of training camp. In the second preseason game, he landed awkwardly and temporarily dislocated his left shoulder. Johnson is wearing a harness and expects to play in the season opener against Baltimore.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
The Daily Ninja Sermon
The following is an excerpt from the top Secret Ninja Book of Excellence, Chapter 23; verses 12-21.
12 And then the ninja flew through the air doing a triple axle into a crowd of hippies and kicked all their faces in until they exploded. 13 It was awesome. 14 And then the ninja ripped out a super sweet Gibson Les Paul and started playing "One" by Metallica, which is impressive because it's really hard, you would know that if you played it on Guitar Hero.
15 Then all the sudden Metallica got all pissed off because they get all pissy about copyrighting stuff and plus they suck and don't write good music anymore. 16 This started a great battle between the members of Metallica and the great Ninja, and the Ninja started to insult Metallica like real bad saying stuff like "you guys are a giant pile of SUCK". 17 Lars Ulrich responded by saying "No we don't.. you guys". And right there the Ninja did a sick guitar solo where he played Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child with his toes.
18 Metallica left in shame, hanging their heads and having to change their pants because they lost control and crapped all over the place. 19 Then the most massive pile of gold and babes dropped out of the sky and spread throughout the land. 20 This is the first occurrence of "gold" and "babes" ever recorded, given to us by the Great Ninja GOD. 21 Unfortunately with this came the first pirates, which have been after the gold and babes ever since.
The End.
12 And then the ninja flew through the air doing a triple axle into a crowd of hippies and kicked all their faces in until they exploded. 13 It was awesome. 14 And then the ninja ripped out a super sweet Gibson Les Paul and started playing "One" by Metallica, which is impressive because it's really hard, you would know that if you played it on Guitar Hero.
15 Then all the sudden Metallica got all pissed off because they get all pissy about copyrighting stuff and plus they suck and don't write good music anymore. 16 This started a great battle between the members of Metallica and the great Ninja, and the Ninja started to insult Metallica like real bad saying stuff like "you guys are a giant pile of SUCK". 17 Lars Ulrich responded by saying "No we don't.. you guys". And right there the Ninja did a sick guitar solo where he played Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child with his toes.
18 Metallica left in shame, hanging their heads and having to change their pants because they lost control and crapped all over the place. 19 Then the most massive pile of gold and babes dropped out of the sky and spread throughout the land. 20 This is the first occurrence of "gold" and "babes" ever recorded, given to us by the Great Ninja GOD. 21 Unfortunately with this came the first pirates, which have been after the gold and babes ever since.
The End.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Ninjas in the news
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,407925,00.html
Cops: Men Dressed Like Ninjas Targeted Drug Dealers
Thursday, August 21, 2008
E-Mail Print Share:
CLIFTON, N.J. — Clifton police said they arrested two men dressed liked ninjas and armed with Asian martial arts weapons who said they were sending a warning to drug users.
Calling themselves "Shinobi warriors," the men wore black SWAT-type vests and carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows.
After being arrested early Wednesday in a car on Route 46, the men said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and drug users urging them to stop their "impure" activities.
The letters said those who persisted would be stopped with "justified yet, merciful force."
Tadeusz Tertkiewicz, 20, and 19-year-old Jesse Trojaniak are charged with weapons possession. Tertkiewicz is also charged with harassment for a letter left for an ex-girlfriend.
Trojaniak's father tells The Associated Press his son is "not a maniac" and was only trying to help a friend.
Cops: Men Dressed Like Ninjas Targeted Drug Dealers
Thursday, August 21, 2008
E-Mail Print Share:
CLIFTON, N.J. — Clifton police said they arrested two men dressed liked ninjas and armed with Asian martial arts weapons who said they were sending a warning to drug users.
Calling themselves "Shinobi warriors," the men wore black SWAT-type vests and carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows.
After being arrested early Wednesday in a car on Route 46, the men said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and drug users urging them to stop their "impure" activities.
The letters said those who persisted would be stopped with "justified yet, merciful force."
Tadeusz Tertkiewicz, 20, and 19-year-old Jesse Trojaniak are charged with weapons possession. Tertkiewicz is also charged with harassment for a letter left for an ex-girlfriend.
Trojaniak's father tells The Associated Press his son is "not a maniac" and was only trying to help a friend.
Failblog
Failblog.org is the biggest waste of time I have ever encountered and is almost fully responsible for the detriment of my mind as well as the lack of productivity I have only just recently encountered as a result of spending the majority of my time browsing through the pages and laughing uncontrollably in a work setting which favors those who are quiet as opposed to those who spend their time chuckling and sometimes bursting out in awkward fits of laughter that make the general populace of the workspace incredibly uncomfortable with their work environment AWESOME.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Awesome Site
In case some of you haven't seen it, this is an awesome site that you must visit. It's called failblog, and it highlights some very insanely funny failures out there. I found it one day and it changed my life, unfortunately it meant "losing control" like all the friggin time but that's a small price to pay. So anyways, enjoy.
http://failblog.org/
http://failblog.org/
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
200% Awesome Deathmatch Tournament
After a quick chat with Captain Gone 2 Far about Scott Harrison, I went back to my desk and put on my headphones to block out the incessant sounds of Russian techno, coworkers talking to themselves and other general nonsense. The song, "Hook" by Blues Traveler, right in the middle of one of the seven harmonica solos he plays in that song. And then the idea came up.
Scott Harrison vs. John Popper of Blues Traveler. Each guy gets one weapon, Popper's is obviously the harmonica. Scott Harrison's I'm not sure. But I'm gonna come up with a bunch of other matchups and then we'll start debates and put together a bracket for the tournament and it's all gonna end up on CNN. I'm losing my mind. Got it? Break!
(leave comments)
Scott Harrison vs. John Popper of Blues Traveler. Each guy gets one weapon, Popper's is obviously the harmonica. Scott Harrison's I'm not sure. But I'm gonna come up with a bunch of other matchups and then we'll start debates and put together a bracket for the tournament and it's all gonna end up on CNN. I'm losing my mind. Got it? Break!
(leave comments)
Monday, August 11, 2008
Sports
A few quick observations from a pirate about sports:
The Red Sox trade away their biggest ninja player, who seems to be talking about joining the enemy: the Yankees. Also, more and more resembling the biggest enemy: the hippies.
The Red Sox acquire Canadian slugger and all around awesome dude Jason Bay, formerly a member of the...that's right, Pirates...
I have also discovered there is a Cuban women's volleyball team. Sweet.
The Red Sox trade away their biggest ninja player, who seems to be talking about joining the enemy: the Yankees. Also, more and more resembling the biggest enemy: the hippies.
The Red Sox acquire Canadian slugger and all around awesome dude Jason Bay, formerly a member of the...that's right, Pirates...
I have also discovered there is a Cuban women's volleyball team. Sweet.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Blurnsday!
The Onion has written a hilarious article, one that speaks of a topic that hits close to home, my hatred of Tuesday. Enjoy.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/it_only_tuesday
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/it_only_tuesday
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Ninja Farmers!
Alright this is a really quick story about a bunch of ninjas that worked on a farm. I sort of hyperlinked my blog to my other one and when they click on this link they are going to expect some type of story about ninjas attacking me with milk.
So I was minding my own business doing what I normally do on Sunday afternoons which is play Ms. Pacman down at the arcade with the senior citizens. They always make me feel stupid because I totally dominate at Ms. Pacman against my friends but then I just get schooled. Like after schooled. Like after school special. Like that one when Calista Flockhart has bulimia. Haha. Ally McMeal. That's not funny.
Anyways these ninjas came and tried to pour milk down my mouth and I was like 'BACK OFF OF ME MAN I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!!!"
So I was minding my own business doing what I normally do on Sunday afternoons which is play Ms. Pacman down at the arcade with the senior citizens. They always make me feel stupid because I totally dominate at Ms. Pacman against my friends but then I just get schooled. Like after schooled. Like after school special. Like that one when Calista Flockhart has bulimia. Haha. Ally McMeal. That's not funny.
Anyways these ninjas came and tried to pour milk down my mouth and I was like 'BACK OFF OF ME MAN I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!!!"
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
For our #1 Fan
Celular said...
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Celular, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://telefone-celular-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.
April 6, 2008 11:05 AM
A song:
Like the fiery pits of hell you are
Dominant and awesome Celular
I am glad you think our post is likeable
Cooler than that game Excitebike-able
Very interesting, that's correct
Chuck Norris once snapped a million necks
I wish I could make just one phone call
To the Cuban chicks for laughing, one and all
Ninjas and pirates that like to kill
But Celular is the best in all Brazil!
En português:
Uma canção:
Como os poços de inferno impetuosos você é
Celular dominante e impressionante
Eu estou contente você penso que nosso borne é likeable
Refrigerador do que esse jogo Excitebike-able
Muito interessante, isso está correto
Chuck Norris agarrou uma vez milhão gargantas
Eu desejo que eu poderia fazer apenas uma chamada de telefone
Aos pintainhos cubanos para rir, um e tudo
Ninjas e piratas que como a matar
Mas Celular é o melhor em todo o Brasil!
Let me just make sure that the translator is correct:
Portugese back to English:
As the impetuous wells of hell
you are Cellular dominant and impressive
I am contented you I think that our post is likeable
Coolant of what this Excitebike-able game
Very interesting, this is correct
Chuck Norris grasped a time million throats
I desire that I could make only one call of telephone
To the Cuban chicks to laugh, one and everything
Ninjas and pirates who I eat to kill
But Cellular he is optimum in all Brazil!
Perfeito.
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Celular, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://telefone-celular-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.
April 6, 2008 11:05 AM
A song:
Like the fiery pits of hell you are
Dominant and awesome Celular
I am glad you think our post is likeable
Cooler than that game Excitebike-able
Very interesting, that's correct
Chuck Norris once snapped a million necks
I wish I could make just one phone call
To the Cuban chicks for laughing, one and all
Ninjas and pirates that like to kill
But Celular is the best in all Brazil!
En português:
Uma canção:
Como os poços de inferno impetuosos você é
Celular dominante e impressionante
Eu estou contente você penso que nosso borne é likeable
Refrigerador do que esse jogo Excitebike-able
Muito interessante, isso está correto
Chuck Norris agarrou uma vez milhão gargantas
Eu desejo que eu poderia fazer apenas uma chamada de telefone
Aos pintainhos cubanos para rir, um e tudo
Ninjas e piratas que como a matar
Mas Celular é o melhor em todo o Brasil!
Let me just make sure that the translator is correct:
Portugese back to English:
As the impetuous wells of hell
you are Cellular dominant and impressive
I am contented you I think that our post is likeable
Coolant of what this Excitebike-able game
Very interesting, this is correct
Chuck Norris grasped a time million throats
I desire that I could make only one call of telephone
To the Cuban chicks to laugh, one and everything
Ninjas and pirates who I eat to kill
But Cellular he is optimum in all Brazil!
Perfeito.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The Incredible Mr. Astley
So the other day I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things. No big whoop. By the way, why is it always hard to find the one thing you need when you go grocery shopping? I mean I only needed like 2 items and one of them was zip lock bags and I couldn't find them. So I asked some redneck dude where the zip lock bags were. He goes "Why would you be asking me that?" and I was like "so you don't work here", he goes "no!" and I think "Well you a-hole, then don't wear a brown shirt that makes you look like an employee!" I mean that's just common sense. Then in my mind right there I drop kicked him in his face and he ran away and brought me my zip lock bags and whole bunch of other cool crap like diet mountain dew.
So anyways that really doesn't have any relevance to what I want to talk about whatsoever, which is Rick Astley, who is probably the most awesome person on the planet. I mean, that deep baritone voice combined with synthesized 80's pop music combined with his ridiculous fashion sense combined with his even more ridiculous dance moves make him a serious consideration for the 8th wonder of the world. Who is this guy and where did he come from? I mean, I just can't keep my mind off of Rick Astley, and no I'm not gay I just aspire to be like him in every way. His hit single "Never gonna give you up" is playing through my mind like background music 24 hours a day, even when I sleep. When I walk down the street I do my patented Rick Astley dance moves, which make me look like a complete a-hole but I couldn't care less! Rick Astley is the MAN!
There are just so many questions I would love to ask Rick, such as "where have you been for the last few years?" and I know the answer would be something sweet such as "you know Joel, first off you are awesome, like the coolest person besides me. But anyways, I have been in India meditating like 24 hours a day because I'm awesome like that and because I don't give a crap about anyone else. And also, because I just feel like it and I'm Rick Astley so I can do whatever I want so there you go". And then I would be so in awe because of that awesome answer I would probably do a drop kick right there and either kill someone or hurt myself. That's how excited I am about Rick Astley. Besides that I would ask him "so Rick, can I rip a sick guitar solo while you sing" and we would jam out and create the sweetest music known to man for like 12 hours straight, followed by the sweetest party with piles of gold and babes everywhere and NO pirates cuz we killed them all with our sweet music and no hippies because Rick's prescience was too much awesome for them. In any case it would be the sweetest time anyone has ever had.
Peace out.
Ninja Master
So anyways that really doesn't have any relevance to what I want to talk about whatsoever, which is Rick Astley, who is probably the most awesome person on the planet. I mean, that deep baritone voice combined with synthesized 80's pop music combined with his ridiculous fashion sense combined with his even more ridiculous dance moves make him a serious consideration for the 8th wonder of the world. Who is this guy and where did he come from? I mean, I just can't keep my mind off of Rick Astley, and no I'm not gay I just aspire to be like him in every way. His hit single "Never gonna give you up" is playing through my mind like background music 24 hours a day, even when I sleep. When I walk down the street I do my patented Rick Astley dance moves, which make me look like a complete a-hole but I couldn't care less! Rick Astley is the MAN!
There are just so many questions I would love to ask Rick, such as "where have you been for the last few years?" and I know the answer would be something sweet such as "you know Joel, first off you are awesome, like the coolest person besides me. But anyways, I have been in India meditating like 24 hours a day because I'm awesome like that and because I don't give a crap about anyone else. And also, because I just feel like it and I'm Rick Astley so I can do whatever I want so there you go". And then I would be so in awe because of that awesome answer I would probably do a drop kick right there and either kill someone or hurt myself. That's how excited I am about Rick Astley. Besides that I would ask him "so Rick, can I rip a sick guitar solo while you sing" and we would jam out and create the sweetest music known to man for like 12 hours straight, followed by the sweetest party with piles of gold and babes everywhere and NO pirates cuz we killed them all with our sweet music and no hippies because Rick's prescience was too much awesome for them. In any case it would be the sweetest time anyone has ever had.
Peace out.
Ninja Master
Monday, July 14, 2008
Ninjas at the Mall: A True Story
So I was at the mall picking up some crap and I saw the most ridiculous looking babe in the world I almost crapped my pants. Almost. Then I saw her kid. I quickly grabbed a rope swing and shot up like infinity feet up to the second floor of the mall. Next thing I know, I'm at the video game store. The game was about ninjas.
I hate ninjas. But not as much as I hate hippies. Hippies you can smell from anywhere, especially from their favorite hang out, Orange Julius. Eat a steak you dirty moocher. Sometimes you bump into some people that totally suck. Like this one guy, he had a Jack Black t-shirt on. It wasn't even like, Tenacious D, or Nacho Libre, or some other stupid thing. Just Jack Black. I would chop that guy up into pieces and feed him to the octopus. And the platypus.
This guy was like "Uh...I totally like jas".
I was like, "Jaws? Like the shark movie? F*ck yeah!"
He took a sip of his Orange Julius and answered back to me "Uh...no...dummy...jas".
"Jazz?" I mean, sometimes it's hippie music but it's alright, I mean everyone likes some jazz...you know...Cuban jazz...you know...like...right? Know what I'm sayin? Are you smellin' what I'm cookin' here dude? I mean...that's cool AWWWW YEEAHHH DDUUUUDDEEE
"No....uhhhh....NIN...jas....you big stupid face, they're called jas...totally radical"
I was about to beat the living and the dead and the zombie crap out of this butt wipe. Then a friggin ninja showed up (he used the same rope after he saw that hot babe's kid) and friggin sliced this dude's neck with a friggin kitana blade. What the frig! Well, I flipped out, and the ninja totally flipped out...like ninjas always friggin do...and since we were in the video game store, I tore into "Stricken" by Disturbed on Guitar Hero 3. Laughing parties ensued. The end.
I hate ninjas. But not as much as I hate hippies. Hippies you can smell from anywhere, especially from their favorite hang out, Orange Julius. Eat a steak you dirty moocher. Sometimes you bump into some people that totally suck. Like this one guy, he had a Jack Black t-shirt on. It wasn't even like, Tenacious D, or Nacho Libre, or some other stupid thing. Just Jack Black. I would chop that guy up into pieces and feed him to the octopus. And the platypus.
This guy was like "Uh...I totally like jas".
I was like, "Jaws? Like the shark movie? F*ck yeah!"
He took a sip of his Orange Julius and answered back to me "Uh...no...dummy...jas".
"Jazz?" I mean, sometimes it's hippie music but it's alright, I mean everyone likes some jazz...you know...Cuban jazz...you know...like...right? Know what I'm sayin? Are you smellin' what I'm cookin' here dude? I mean...that's cool AWWWW YEEAHHH DDUUUUDDEEE
"No....uhhhh....NIN...jas....you big stupid face, they're called jas...totally radical"
I was about to beat the living and the dead and the zombie crap out of this butt wipe. Then a friggin ninja showed up (he used the same rope after he saw that hot babe's kid) and friggin sliced this dude's neck with a friggin kitana blade. What the frig! Well, I flipped out, and the ninja totally flipped out...like ninjas always friggin do...and since we were in the video game store, I tore into "Stricken" by Disturbed on Guitar Hero 3. Laughing parties ensued. The end.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
This Blog is F*CKING AWESOME
You have got to be....f*cking kidding me.
This blog is approaching its one year anniversary, August 8th, 2008. 8/8/08 for those of you who can't read (or write). We have received zero awards. We have received zero offers to buy this website and all of its intellectual property. This is me, Surly Blondbeard, calling you out.
Me and my business partner, the somewhat present but always dominating Ninja Master, known to some as Joel, have dedicated hours and hours of company time towards compiling the most awesome things of all time on one easy to reference platform, the 200% Awesome blog. We are connected via Technorati (love you), Facebook (thanks for destroying my life), Myspace (you're like the Scott Baio of the Internet right now, step it up b*tch), and a whole bunch of other stuff.
I have been experiencing some hard times lately. Such as, oh let's take a look, I'm in a totally sick band now which pretty much dominates harder than an exploding volcano giving Cuban chicks laughing parties with its liquid hot MAGMA. I've also been drinking more. Eating less. Making mad bills. And I'm like this close to acquiring the greatest vehicle built by some of the greatest people on Earth. Thank you Sweden, and thank you Volvo.
So there you have it, I'm sick of this crap, I'm gonna go grab some sushi or a salad and flex my muscles all around town because it's lunchtime dammit. Somebody buy the 200% Awesome brand. It's a cash cow that makes the sweetest cash milk and the juiciest cash steaks. It's cash fed 200% Awesome cash beef. Oh baby I'm on fire right now. Thanks for reading. AWW YEAH DUDE.
Awesomely yours,
Matt the Bada$$ Surly Pirate
This blog is approaching its one year anniversary, August 8th, 2008. 8/8/08 for those of you who can't read (or write). We have received zero awards. We have received zero offers to buy this website and all of its intellectual property. This is me, Surly Blondbeard, calling you out.
Me and my business partner, the somewhat present but always dominating Ninja Master, known to some as Joel, have dedicated hours and hours of company time towards compiling the most awesome things of all time on one easy to reference platform, the 200% Awesome blog. We are connected via Technorati (love you), Facebook (thanks for destroying my life), Myspace (you're like the Scott Baio of the Internet right now, step it up b*tch), and a whole bunch of other stuff.
I have been experiencing some hard times lately. Such as, oh let's take a look, I'm in a totally sick band now which pretty much dominates harder than an exploding volcano giving Cuban chicks laughing parties with its liquid hot MAGMA. I've also been drinking more. Eating less. Making mad bills. And I'm like this close to acquiring the greatest vehicle built by some of the greatest people on Earth. Thank you Sweden, and thank you Volvo.
So there you have it, I'm sick of this crap, I'm gonna go grab some sushi or a salad and flex my muscles all around town because it's lunchtime dammit. Somebody buy the 200% Awesome brand. It's a cash cow that makes the sweetest cash milk and the juiciest cash steaks. It's cash fed 200% Awesome cash beef. Oh baby I'm on fire right now. Thanks for reading. AWW YEAH DUDE.
Awesomely yours,
Matt the Bada$$ Surly Pirate
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Imagination Station
Just a quick thought. A word to all readers, adults and children alike. Never give up on your imagination. It totally had your back when you were a kid and you had, like, NO cool toys. It totally had your back when you were in high school and you came up with dumb ways to get over the whole awkward "oh man I totally want to LP that chick but I'm pretty much the biggest MCA I know" (I need to update the glossary, this will make sense later). And for we, the "facebook generation", it totally has our back in coming up with innovative ways to find and maintain jobs, which is totally bogus because we are all brilliant morons with short attention spans. I am writing this on a Sunday night, but I will probably upload some stupid photos up during the busiest part of my work day tomorrow.
Anyways, I was originally going to make a post about the Boston Red Sox (simulcast with my other hit blog, "Tacoby Bellsbury", classifying both current and past Sox and their affiliations to the Ninja, Pirate, Hippie or Redneck sectors of Red Sox Nation. Instead, I wanted to take a moment to appreciate that my imagination has not died, I am not a complete mindless drone quite yet; I believe the fountain of youth really lies in the way you live. Keep the imagination running and take the time to "play" (music, sports, laughing parties, creating and maintaining awful websites, watching cartoons, you get the idea). I drink water and eat oranges at work because it reminds me of being a kid and playing soccer games during the weekend. I also happen to look and act like a six year old. Same difference.
Don't fret, that Red Sox blog will come soon, as will the reporting of one of the most epic quests a ninja has ever taken. I expect nothing less from a person whose imagination matches or exceeds my own. Most of the people that read this are, how I say, "special" just like the authors, but you know just keep up the creative imagination-y kid stuff and encourage others to do the same. Leave a comment or draw me a picture or something, whatever you do. Aww yeah dude.
Anyways, I was originally going to make a post about the Boston Red Sox (simulcast with my other hit blog, "Tacoby Bellsbury", classifying both current and past Sox and their affiliations to the Ninja, Pirate, Hippie or Redneck sectors of Red Sox Nation. Instead, I wanted to take a moment to appreciate that my imagination has not died, I am not a complete mindless drone quite yet; I believe the fountain of youth really lies in the way you live. Keep the imagination running and take the time to "play" (music, sports, laughing parties, creating and maintaining awful websites, watching cartoons, you get the idea). I drink water and eat oranges at work because it reminds me of being a kid and playing soccer games during the weekend. I also happen to look and act like a six year old. Same difference.
Don't fret, that Red Sox blog will come soon, as will the reporting of one of the most epic quests a ninja has ever taken. I expect nothing less from a person whose imagination matches or exceeds my own. Most of the people that read this are, how I say, "special" just like the authors, but you know just keep up the creative imagination-y kid stuff and encourage others to do the same. Leave a comment or draw me a picture or something, whatever you do. Aww yeah dude.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Who do you want as President, a Ninja, Pirate or Hippie?
-Posted by N. Master, Sr. Correspondant for The Ninja Times
March 5, 2008
This article is awesome. Why? Well first, because I wrote it. Second, because it’s on this site. And mostly, because it’s about something no one has reported on before, and that is on the affiliations of all the major candidates running for President of the United States of America. See, every person is either a Pirate, Ninja, or Hippie. They can also be a redneck, but I’m pretty sure that only happens when people inbreed. Rednecks should never be elected to high offices, but it happens. In any case, I wanted to inform you of the implications of the stances of each of the candidates, not so much on issues like immigration or taxes or on the war or healthcare, but things like who has the best nun chuck skills. Or who can drink a whole bottle of rum and still be able to make a pile of stolen gold and babes into a pyramid. Stuff like that. Aren’t you so glad you’re reading this? Yeah, you are. So anyways, I got to talk to Senators Clinton, Obama, and McCain. IT was awesome. And you will find out who is what, and what they will do if elected President.
I first asked Ninja-Senator Barack (if you say his middle name he’ll pile drive you into an erupting volcano- trust me, I know from experience) Obama what the first thing he would do once elected as President. “Oh that’s a friggin easy one. First, I would throw a ninja star real hard. So hard that it would travel into outer space and land somewhere in Pakistan or Afghanistan and kill Osama Bin Laden. That’s how sweet my ninja star skills are. And then I’ll do a sick guitar solo, lasting approximately three days and people can come party at the oval office. It’ll be the sweetest party of all time”
When asked about how he views chuck Norris, Obama answered “I have great respect and admiration for Mr. Norris. And although we don’t agree on all things, we share a common goal, and that is to be the greatest ninjas ever… and also to destroy stuff, especially hippies everywhere. It’s because of this that I plan on making Chuck Norris my Secretary of Roundhouse Kicks and Hippie Affairs. Together, we will roundhouse kick North Korea, and then Iran, which will lead to World Peace. Afterwards we’ll eat some delicious nachos.”
I first asked Ninja-Senator Barack (if you say his middle name he’ll pile drive you into an erupting volcano- trust me, I know from experience) Obama what the first thing he would do once elected as President. “Oh that’s a friggin easy one. First, I would throw a ninja star real hard. So hard that it would travel into outer space and land somewhere in Pakistan or Afghanistan and kill Osama Bin Laden. That’s how sweet my ninja star skills are. And then I’ll do a sick guitar solo, lasting approximately three days and people can come party at the oval office. It’ll be the sweetest party of all time”
When asked about how he views chuck Norris, Obama answered “I have great respect and admiration for Mr. Norris. And although we don’t agree on all things, we share a common goal, and that is to be the greatest ninjas ever… and also to destroy stuff, especially hippies everywhere. It’s because of this that I plan on making Chuck Norris my Secretary of Roundhouse Kicks and Hippie Affairs. Together, we will roundhouse kick North Korea, and then Iran, which will lead to World Peace. Afterwards we’ll eat some delicious nachos.”
But before Obama can even start thinking about the White House, he must first beat out the Super Hippie candidate, Mrs. Hillary Clinton. I asked Clinton about Senator Obama, and her plan on beating him to secure the nomination, to which she responded “hey, do you have any more Spicy Nacho Doritos?”. When I said, no, she told me that it was her primary objective to give every American as much Spicy Nacho Doritos as they wanted. She then proceeded to dance around like an idiot for several hours to some hippie music. I’m pretty sure she had no idea where she was or what she was doing. Hippies do that most of the time, or so I am told.
John McCain, the Pirate candidate, seemed to be very confident in his ability to win the Presidency. When asked how his policies differ from both Obama and Clinton’s, he responded “the problem we have is that we are losing all our gold and babes. It’s all going to China, and the Chinese are having ridiculous parties because they steal our gold, and then our babes, and then they just party REAL hard. They are better pirates than us, because they like educate their people to be pirates, it’s crazy. Obama can talk all he wants about roundhouse kicking the North Koreans, and Clinton can give us all the Spicy Nacho Doritos that Americans clearly crave, but come on people! We NEED gold and babes! It’s what makes America great, that and Bon Jovi’s breakthrough album “Slippery When Wet”. I could rock out to that like all day while drinking some sweet rum. Aw yeah dude. What were we talking about again?”
So there you have it. If you read this whole story, then you are completely (at LEAST 200%) better educated on the candidates than you were before. And you have all the info you need to make your decision when it comes time to vote for whatever Ninja, Pirate, or Hippie you choose. And if you feel differently you can get the heck off this site, because you suck at life. Better luck not sucking elsewhere.
John McCain, the Pirate candidate, seemed to be very confident in his ability to win the Presidency. When asked how his policies differ from both Obama and Clinton’s, he responded “the problem we have is that we are losing all our gold and babes. It’s all going to China, and the Chinese are having ridiculous parties because they steal our gold, and then our babes, and then they just party REAL hard. They are better pirates than us, because they like educate their people to be pirates, it’s crazy. Obama can talk all he wants about roundhouse kicking the North Koreans, and Clinton can give us all the Spicy Nacho Doritos that Americans clearly crave, but come on people! We NEED gold and babes! It’s what makes America great, that and Bon Jovi’s breakthrough album “Slippery When Wet”. I could rock out to that like all day while drinking some sweet rum. Aw yeah dude. What were we talking about again?”
So there you have it. If you read this whole story, then you are completely (at LEAST 200%) better educated on the candidates than you were before. And you have all the info you need to make your decision when it comes time to vote for whatever Ninja, Pirate, or Hippie you choose. And if you feel differently you can get the heck off this site, because you suck at life. Better luck not sucking elsewhere.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Losing
This doesn't describe this site... in fact it's the exact opposite of what we do. But this poster describes most of the other stupid blogs out there. And to them I say, you guys are really terrific..... at losing.
Happy Non-Blurnsday
First of all, just wanted to let you all know that I survived Blurnsday (formerly known as Tuesday) once again. Also, I did not spontaneously combust due to burning rage, and I did not ragify into Beast Mode and do a combo dropkick-piledriver move on Brittany Spears, instantly destroying her (though I really wanted to).
No, my Blurnsday was much more subdued. But even though it is no longer known as Tuesday, which is by far the most evil day of the week, I am still glad it is over. See, I thought I could destroy the whole idea of Tuesday forever by making it NOT Tuesday, and into a whole new day known as Blurnsday. But, in fact, Blurnsday also sucks, and I already hate the day known as Blurnsday. So next week, I shall call it Blankday. So if I don't see you next week, have a very safe and happy Blankday... because I know I sure as heck won't.
No, my Blurnsday was much more subdued. But even though it is no longer known as Tuesday, which is by far the most evil day of the week, I am still glad it is over. See, I thought I could destroy the whole idea of Tuesday forever by making it NOT Tuesday, and into a whole new day known as Blurnsday. But, in fact, Blurnsday also sucks, and I already hate the day known as Blurnsday. So next week, I shall call it Blankday. So if I don't see you next week, have a very safe and happy Blankday... because I know I sure as heck won't.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Dead Rising and Jazzercising
8:00am. Alarm blares in my face. Shower. Change clothes. And go.
9:00am. Arrive at work. Re-acquaint self with the domination station. Fiercely prepare for the most dominant and beastmodical work day of all time. Mental gymnastics. Calisthenics. Check email.
9:57am. Senior citizens in building space below us begin pumping Eastern European techno tracks through their subwoofers.
9:58am. The sound of old people clogs stomping on parkay type dance floor resonates upward into my cubicle.
This has been my day so far. "Happy Monday".
9:00am. Arrive at work. Re-acquaint self with the domination station. Fiercely prepare for the most dominant and beastmodical work day of all time. Mental gymnastics. Calisthenics. Check email.
9:57am. Senior citizens in building space below us begin pumping Eastern European techno tracks through their subwoofers.
9:58am. The sound of old people clogs stomping on parkay type dance floor resonates upward into my cubicle.
This has been my day so far. "Happy Monday".
Monday, January 28, 2008
Domination Station
There are times in every man's life when they have an epiphany, a realization of greatness that transcends normal human understanding. OK, so maybe not every man has these moments, especially not hippies (though they think they have them all the time) but my point is that just now I came up with the most incredible idea. My idea is about video games. See, most video games and video game consoles suck. In fact, they are entirely too easy and not nearly exciting enough. This is what makes ninjas flip out and kill people: they go on their PS2, play for like 5 minutes get really bored and go into beast mode (specifically the bad, destructive beast mode which ends in death and suffering, not the good kind which... I'll get into that at a latter time) and that's when stuff dies. It is because of this that office buildings everywhere have weekly incidents of giant logs being found on top of fax machines (that joke just never gets old). Ninjas are a pissed off group of people, but usually a pissed off ninja can be dealt with. A Ninja in Beast Mode, however, requires an extreme amount of force to be brought down, and I mean EXTREME. Like, more than a regular radioactive panther... more like a pre-historic mutant hippopotamus on crack, with razor sharp antlers. And I'm pretty sure the ninja would still kill it, he would just get slowed down a little. That's a great idea for a new picture by the way.... I impress myself everday.
In any case, it's extremely important that we, as a human race, develop a video game system that will satisfy the needs of ninjas everywhere. Video games are vital in the daily lives of ninjas, and ninjas love their video games just as hippies love to smoke doobies and pirates love drinking rum getting really rowdy. So, what's the answer to this dilemma? The DominationStation. Unlike the PlayStation, where you only PLAY video games, this avails every willing participant (albeit a participant with a certain amount of skill) to DOMINATE. The games will be realistic and awesome, and the controllers will allow the user to go into BEAST MODE after attaining a certain level of dominance, at which point they pull the BEAST MODE lever, delivering them into an inexplicable world of awesomeness. Does this sound intense? It's more intense than a ninja who just chugged a baker's dozen Diet Mountain Dews, and that's actually clinically proven to be true.
Also, the DominationStation won't have any numbers, like Playstation2 or 3.... NO. There is only ONE, and it NEVER needs to be updated.
Right now the Domination Station is just in its test phases, and all progress on it has been kept secret. If it falls into the wrong hands, devastating things can happen. For instance, only ninjas can posses the Domination Station. If a Hippie gets one, he or she will hook it up, totally suck at playing and then realize that it's too awesome for them,. They will then try to return it and say that it's the evil corporation's fault or some other nonsense like that. Pirates also can't use the DominationStation, partially because they are usually too inebriated to even hook it up. In any case, it's only for Ninjas, because it fulfills the requirement for Video Game BeastMode, which is one of the many forms of beast mode. Others include Destructive beast mode (where you get super pissed off and start destroying stuff), Final Jeopardy beast mode (and since this is a family weblog, I won't elaborate but it's awesome) and General beast mode (where you are just rocking and dominating and you realize that stuff is dying around you). So yeah, this is a really great invention. I will use the latest, cutting edge technology (Microsoft paint) to draw a picture of the prototype, controller and all. I have a feeling that this invention will really take off, and I may even make tens of dollars from this, which would be awesome. So keep an eye out for the DominationStation, which may make me rich enough to move out of my van, who knows?
Later.
In any case, it's extremely important that we, as a human race, develop a video game system that will satisfy the needs of ninjas everywhere. Video games are vital in the daily lives of ninjas, and ninjas love their video games just as hippies love to smoke doobies and pirates love drinking rum getting really rowdy. So, what's the answer to this dilemma? The DominationStation. Unlike the PlayStation, where you only PLAY video games, this avails every willing participant (albeit a participant with a certain amount of skill) to DOMINATE. The games will be realistic and awesome, and the controllers will allow the user to go into BEAST MODE after attaining a certain level of dominance, at which point they pull the BEAST MODE lever, delivering them into an inexplicable world of awesomeness. Does this sound intense? It's more intense than a ninja who just chugged a baker's dozen Diet Mountain Dews, and that's actually clinically proven to be true.
Also, the DominationStation won't have any numbers, like Playstation2 or 3.... NO. There is only ONE, and it NEVER needs to be updated.
Right now the Domination Station is just in its test phases, and all progress on it has been kept secret. If it falls into the wrong hands, devastating things can happen. For instance, only ninjas can posses the Domination Station. If a Hippie gets one, he or she will hook it up, totally suck at playing and then realize that it's too awesome for them,. They will then try to return it and say that it's the evil corporation's fault or some other nonsense like that. Pirates also can't use the DominationStation, partially because they are usually too inebriated to even hook it up. In any case, it's only for Ninjas, because it fulfills the requirement for Video Game BeastMode, which is one of the many forms of beast mode. Others include Destructive beast mode (where you get super pissed off and start destroying stuff), Final Jeopardy beast mode (and since this is a family weblog, I won't elaborate but it's awesome) and General beast mode (where you are just rocking and dominating and you realize that stuff is dying around you). So yeah, this is a really great invention. I will use the latest, cutting edge technology (Microsoft paint) to draw a picture of the prototype, controller and all. I have a feeling that this invention will really take off, and I may even make tens of dollars from this, which would be awesome. So keep an eye out for the DominationStation, which may make me rich enough to move out of my van, who knows?
Later.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Winter X Games
Just wanted to take a quick minute to remind all of our fans, pirates and ninjas alike, that the Winter X Games are totally awesome. This is the kind of stuff that people need to be doing to prolong the existance of awesome crap in our society. Being awesome is a privilege, not a right, and you need to take advantage of all the privileges you have in life. I mean, you're not a hippie, are you?Year of the Awesome
Here's the deal a******s:
2007 was the crappiest piece of crap year that the world ever crapped out of its pants. I mean sure there were a few things that made 2007 spectacular. Last year was nothing more than a set-up for what is about to happen in 2008. This is why I have decided to do what had to be done: set my 2008 new years resolutions.
In fact, I think that resolution in itself is a crappy word that sucks. The lifeless losers at Webster's define "resolution" as the act or process of resolving: as a: the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones b: the act of answering : solving c: the act of determining d: the passing of a voice part from a dissonant to a consonant tone or the progression of a chord from dissonance to consonance or more ridiculous crap which basically just means I haven't won yet and I probably will never ever win in the history of the universe.
Safe to say, if you're a katana wielding bridge jumping off train jumping on swan diving triple flipping dagger throwing book of secret totally sick moves writing book of secret totally sick moves reading mathematically discovering the formula for how Chuck Norris kicks faces off discovering AC/DC cranking meditating over herbal tea and pictures of Jessica Biel transcendentalizing...fundamentally dominant ninja...
You're not gonna walk past a fax machine without dropping a monster log on it.
And I'm pretty sure it goes without saying if you are a rum guzzling beard stroking parrot training bow and arrow wielding monkey training alligator wrestling broken bottle of gin used as a weapon stabbing barrel rolling cannon loading cannon shooting cannon throwing over a boat-ing Cannonball Run watching Run DMC listening knives sharpening belt loosening dart throwing pool playing chair breaking radiator defenestrating......intrinsically beastmodical pirate...
You're gonna put up with this caca.
2007.
Worst year in the world.
Until the birth of 200% Awesome.
This is the first full year of 200% Awesome coming up so I think it's only fair that certain resolutions be made. But since resolution isn't awesome enough, we need only to come up with a new word for this list of goals to be achieved by year's end.
2007 was the crappiest piece of crap year that the world ever crapped out of its pants. I mean sure there were a few things that made 2007 spectacular. Last year was nothing more than a set-up for what is about to happen in 2008. This is why I have decided to do what had to be done: set my 2008 new years resolutions.
In fact, I think that resolution in itself is a crappy word that sucks. The lifeless losers at Webster's define "resolution" as the act or process of resolving: as a: the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones b: the act of answering : solving c: the act of determining d: the passing of a voice part from a dissonant to a consonant tone or the progression of a chord from dissonance to consonance or more ridiculous crap which basically just means I haven't won yet and I probably will never ever win in the history of the universe.
Safe to say, if you're a katana wielding bridge jumping off train jumping on swan diving triple flipping dagger throwing book of secret totally sick moves writing book of secret totally sick moves reading mathematically discovering the formula for how Chuck Norris kicks faces off discovering AC/DC cranking meditating over herbal tea and pictures of Jessica Biel transcendentalizing...fundamentally dominant ninja...
You're not gonna walk past a fax machine without dropping a monster log on it.
And I'm pretty sure it goes without saying if you are a rum guzzling beard stroking parrot training bow and arrow wielding monkey training alligator wrestling broken bottle of gin used as a weapon stabbing barrel rolling cannon loading cannon shooting cannon throwing over a boat-ing Cannonball Run watching Run DMC listening knives sharpening belt loosening dart throwing pool playing chair breaking radiator defenestrating......intrinsically beastmodical pirate...
You're gonna put up with this caca.
2007.
Worst year in the world.
Until the birth of 200% Awesome.
This is the first full year of 200% Awesome coming up so I think it's only fair that certain resolutions be made. But since resolution isn't awesome enough, we need only to come up with a new word for this list of goals to be achieved by year's end.
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