Ninjas at the Mall: A True Story

So I was at the mall picking up some crap and I saw the most ridiculous looking babe in the world I almost crapped my pants. Almost. Then I saw her kid. I quickly grabbed a rope swing and shot up like infinity feet up to the second floor of the mall. Next thing I know, I'm at the video game store. The game was about ninjas.

I hate ninjas. But not as much as I hate hippies. Hippies you can smell from anywhere, especially from their favorite hang out, Orange Julius. Eat a steak you dirty moocher. Sometimes you bump into some people that totally suck. Like this one guy, he had a Jack Black t-shirt on. It wasn't even like, Tenacious D, or Nacho Libre, or some other stupid thing. Just Jack Black. I would chop that guy up into pieces and feed him to the octopus. And the platypus.

This guy was like "Uh...I totally like jas".

I was like, "Jaws? Like the shark movie? F*ck yeah!"

He took a sip of his Orange Julius and answered back to me "Uh...no...dummy...jas".

"Jazz?" I mean, sometimes it's hippie music but it's alright, I mean everyone likes some jazz...you know...Cuban jazz...you know...like...right? Know what I'm sayin? Are you smellin' what I'm cookin' here dude? I mean...that's cool AWWWW YEEAHHH DDUUUUDDEEE

"No....uhhhh....NIN...jas....you big stupid face, they're called jas...totally radical"

I was about to beat the living and the dead and the zombie crap out of this butt wipe. Then a friggin ninja showed up (he used the same rope after he saw that hot babe's kid) and friggin sliced this dude's neck with a friggin kitana blade. What the frig! Well, I flipped out, and the ninja totally flipped out...like ninjas always friggin do...and since we were in the video game store, I tore into "Stricken" by Disturbed on Guitar Hero 3. Laughing parties ensued. The end.