The Incredible Mr. Astley

So the other day I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things. No big whoop. By the way, why is it always hard to find the one thing you need when you go grocery shopping? I mean I only needed like 2 items and one of them was zip lock bags and I couldn't find them. So I asked some redneck dude where the zip lock bags were. He goes "Why would you be asking me that?" and I was like "so you don't work here", he goes "no!" and I think "Well you a-hole, then don't wear a brown shirt that makes you look like an employee!" I mean that's just common sense. Then in my mind right there I drop kicked him in his face and he ran away and brought me my zip lock bags and whole bunch of other cool crap like diet mountain dew.

So anyways that really doesn't have any relevance to what I want to talk about whatsoever, which is Rick Astley, who is probably the most awesome person on the planet. I mean, that deep baritone voice combined with synthesized 80's pop music combined with his ridiculous fashion sense combined with his even more ridiculous dance moves make him a serious consideration for the 8th wonder of the world. Who is this guy and where did he come from? I mean, I just can't keep my mind off of Rick Astley, and no I'm not gay I just aspire to be like him in every way. His hit single "Never gonna give you up" is playing through my mind like background music 24 hours a day, even when I sleep. When I walk down the street I do my patented Rick Astley dance moves, which make me look like a complete a-hole but I couldn't care less! Rick Astley is the MAN!

There are just so many questions I would love to ask Rick, such as "where have you been for the last few years?" and I know the answer would be something sweet such as "you know Joel, first off you are awesome, like the coolest person besides me. But anyways, I have been in India meditating like 24 hours a day because I'm awesome like that and because I don't give a crap about anyone else. And also, because I just feel like it and I'm Rick Astley so I can do whatever I want so there you go". And then I would be so in awe because of that awesome answer I would probably do a drop kick right there and either kill someone or hurt myself. That's how excited I am about Rick Astley. Besides that I would ask him "so Rick, can I rip a sick guitar solo while you sing" and we would jam out and create the sweetest music known to man for like 12 hours straight, followed by the sweetest party with piles of gold and babes everywhere and NO pirates cuz we killed them all with our sweet music and no hippies because Rick's prescience was too much awesome for them. In any case it would be the sweetest time anyone has ever had.



Peace out.

Ninja Master