Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Hunt For Red Bag of Doritos


EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM TORTILLAS

In the winter of 2007, there was a land of great prosperity, a place where millions of dollars were made and the freshest coffee of all the land flowed like wine from magical mountains. There was a place where one could retreat from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and refresh their bodies, reflect with their minds and rejuvenate their souls.

Sure, this was just an office break room but to some individuals it was so much more. This was a place where a man could construct a breakfast out of the previously described nectar of the coffee gods along side a hearty wheat based salty meal product which the natives called "pretzel rods". Fascinating stuff. This was a place where men and women discussed their well made plans for the weekends, a location where people brought together the elements of water, fire and the microwave to heat up their lunches and feast upon the bounty of Lean Cuisines and Hot Pockets. A place like this was truly sacred.

All was well, all was merry, everyday was a holiday...until one day...fate placed its hand upon the most sacred of artifacts to be found in this treasure cove: the vending machine.

WILL THEY EVER REMOVE THE DORITOS FROM THE VENDING MACHINE? WILL EVERYONE DRINK SO MUCH COFFEE THAT THEY GO COMPLETELY CRAZY? WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH EATING PRETZEL RODS FOR BREAKFAST?

STAY TUNED FOR EPISODE 2 OF: THE HUNT FOR RED BAG OF DORITOS
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Monday, December 10, 2007

Welcome to 200% Awesome, Again (More Ninja and Pirate Excellence)

There has been a delay in our posts lately due to Thanksgiving related Beast Mode, also due to a massive amount of domination and disrespect throughout the land. Soon you will hear the tale of how the ninjas saved Thanksgiving, the never ending battle against the Hippies, how Guitar Hero destroyed one pirate's personal life and several other totally intense awesomeness-laden posts in what has already been nominated Most Dominant and Totally Awesome Website of 2007.

Thank you for your ongoing support. For those of you who have never visited this site, I suggest you start at the beginning. Read the earliest post and find out how 200% Awesome came to existence. Oh yes, there are many theories as to how this all took place, but in actuality there is only one. Well okay, there's pretty much two ways of how this ish went down.

Swashbuckingly yours,
Surly Blondbeard
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Who sucks more?

THIS GLOSSARY IS AWESOME

  • A
  • Awesome - everything on here is awesome, many other things are awesome, everything else sucks
  • B
  • Beast Mode - a spiritual and transcendental state of being, where you start to dominate at levels that cannot be recorded or even predicted. Things that may occur during Beast Mode include: death, destruction, total domination, logs found on top of fax machines, and much much more.
  • Blankday - when Blurnsday started to suck (and boy does it ever suck) it was renamed to Blankday. This is getting ridiculous. Anyways, it's probably going to get renamed into something equally as retarded next week. Stay tuned.
  • Blurnsday - formerly known as Tuesday, invented by Skippy and named by Archie to deny the existence of Tuesday
  • C
  • Celular - the name of our most awesome #1 fan.
  • D
  • Domination - one of the highest forms of winning
  • F
  • Final Jeopardy - when it's time not to give an answer, but ask the question...used often at 7:54pm on weeknights; sometimes closely related to laughing parties
  • H
  • Hippies - lamest form of life ever
  • L
  • Laughing party - Event that takes place when a ninja or pirate dude has an excellent, uh, sense of humor
  • N
  • Ninja- n., pl. ninja or -jas. A member of a class of 14th-century Japanese mercenary agents who were trained in the martial arts and hired for covert operations such as assassination and sabotage. They are known for their stealthiness and ability to flip out and kill people... besides that, they totally rock out hard, ripping guitar solos so sweet that it causes mass crapping of the pants. Their common enemy is the pirate.
  • T
  • Tuesday - something that sucks
  • Us...a couple of complete morons with computers. otherwise known as a terrible combination.