There is no more reason to post anything else after this. I believe this is my resignation. Thank you. -Matt the Pirate

Press Conference

BELAIR, California

My fellow Belairians, I would just like to briefly announce my full on retirement from Belairing. Many people have heard my story of how I became the prince of this town. One person even heard about the chilling tale that took place while I was shooting b-ball outside of my school. Those two guys were apprehended, however, I still feel uncomfortable in West Philadelphia. Which, as you know, is where I was born and raised.

As I sit on my throne, I regret only one thing. That my license plate does not say "FRESH". Which is why I would like to announce that I will only be travelling by cab from now on. I would like to formally apologize to the cabby for those harsh words I said to him that fateful afternoon, when I told him I would smell him later. Good sir, I would like to smell you for as long as I live in Belair.

In conclusion, I thank all of those who heard my story, you guys all got belaired pretty bad. And special thanks for Sam, because without his belairing, I would have never been where I am today.

On behalf of everyone in my kingdom, especially King Uncle Phil, and the Jeffs...DJ and Geoffrey...hell, even Carlton...thank you, and God bless Belair.

-Matt the Pirate, Fresh Prince of Belair

Best Belair So Far

Now I told this person yesterday that I had a story to tell. The person remembered, asked me about it, and then got the baddest belairing I've dished out to date:

M: hahaha
what was your story yesterday?
i wasn't really at my desk all afternoon
me: did C tell you about it, i told her
M: no
me: well let me tell you the story about yesterday
M: ok
me: my life literally got flipped
turned upside down
Sent at 11:19 AM on Friday
M: what happened?
Sent at 11:22 AM on Friday
me: id like to take a minute, sit right there
M: ok
me: I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Belair
Sent at 11:27 AM on Friday
M: HAHAHA
me: You just got belaired
Sent at 11:30 AM on Friday
M: hahahahahahha
me: How does it feel
M's new status message - Matt: You just got belaired 11:32 AM

Came out of retirement to Belair again

me: I never told you my story
k: haha
woops
me: its ok
it was pretty bad though
k: haha
what with childrens
were they like eh, we already have all this stuff
me: yeah it got all flipped turned upside down
k: haha huh?
me: you might want to sit down
k: haha
oo i am
me: and i
will tell you
how i became the prince of a town called BELAIR
k: haha shut up
me: OH you got BELAIRED
k: just tell me the darn story

Belaired 5

me: Ok this day has been crazy - I have a story for you
Sent at 1:52 PM on Thursday
T: okay
me: My life got flipped turned upside down
Sent at 1:54 PM on Thursday
T: why?
Sent at 1:57 PM on Thursday
me: Let me take a minute to explain, sit right there
T: haha okay
Sent at 2:00 PM on Thursday
me: I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Belair
Sent at 2:01 PM on Thursday
T: you kidding
me: lol yeah. you just got Belaired
T: hahaha what?
your weird
me: You thought I was telling a story, but the whole time I was just saying the theme song to Fresh Prince
Sent at 2:07 PM on Thursday
me: so you kinda fell for it, which means you got "belaired"
T: haha great
next time i will be ready for it though

Belaired IV

So I haven't talked to this girl in a while, great conversation starter apparently...

me: Ok this day has been crazy - I have a story for you
Sent at 1:52 PM on Thursday
x: can you hang on a sec?
i'll be back in a few.
me: k
Sent at 1:55 PM on Thursday
x: so what's up?
me: Well my life got flipped turned upside down today
x: and you weren't shooting b-ball outside the school?
me: not at this point no
but eventually that did happen
x: okay...continue.
me: oh no its no big deal
i was just going to tell you how i became the prince of a TOWN CALLED BELAIR
x: so that's the story?
me: yeah
you just got belaired
x: haha. okay then.
me: so.....hey how are ya?

Belaired Part...Threux

me: Ok this day has been crazy - I have a story for you
c: ok
me: My life has literally got flipped & turned upside down
Sent at 1:53 PM on Thursday
c: ok
me: I'd just like to take a second
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Belair
c: haha
in west philadelphia born and raised
me: you just got Belaired bitch
c: on a playground is where i spent most of my days
chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool

Belaired: Part Deux

Okay so then I tried belairing someone. Here's the first attempt:

m: hey did you hear what has happening in watertown?
s: yeah its crazy
m: i heard there were a couple of guys
m: they were up to no good
m: started makin trouble in the neighborhood
m: but then they got in one little fight and their mom got scared and said they were moving with their auntie and uncle in Belair
s: haha
s: fresh prince
s: love it
m: you just got belaired
m: how does that feel
s: haha
s: great

Revisiting 2008: Belaired

Ok so I got "belaired" today, here's the transcript:

Sam: hey man. do you have a second to listen to a story?
me: sure
Sam: it's a story about me and my life
me: im just coming back from lunch...go for it
Sam: and how it got all fipped upside down
this should only take a minute
you still there?
me: yeah hold on
Sam: okay
let me know when you're back and ready
me: k im here
i was on the phone
wait
what kind of story is this
Sam: nice, cause i'm about to tell you how i became
THE FRESH PRINCE OF BELAIR
me: oh thats great news
Sam: OH SNAPS YOU JUST GOT BEL-AIR'D
me: thats kinda lame
Sam: well it happened

Getting back to the ACDCs

Because a pirate alphabet goes A, C, D, and then C again. And then I forget the rest, shut the hell up. I will pirate hook the crap out of the Internet if that's what it takes. I haven't written a blog entry for a while and let me tell you why. You probably already know the answer. Hippies.

Here's a quick tale about how bad hippies suck. I was at Stop and Shop today. And you dum dums are probably asking oh hey what were you doing there and my answer is "What do you think?!".

So anyways, after I bought my box of Frosted Mini Wheats I walk out the door and I saw a hippie. I knew he was a hippie because he was holding a clipboard and he smelled like IT guys. I haven't been feeling well lately, so my ninja detection skills are down, but my hippie detection skills are forever. Because hippies are moronics. Good thing they aren't bionic, because let's face it, there is no man outside of Chuck Norris or all four of the ninja turtles that could possibly stop a bionic hippie. Okay I'm starting to feel emotional and I can't talk about bionic hippies any more.

Back to the task at hands, I used my peripherals and detected no ninjas. This is the first time I ever wished that a ninja was around, especially ninja master. Because let's face it, Ninja Master would have ran away scared back into Stop and Shop. And then I would have laughed and said "Oh man get a load of that ninja". But then I'd be surprised (not really but a little) that Ninja Master came back with a 2 liter bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. Except the 2 liter was EMPTY. And then after letting out the largest most astronomical belch of all time, the hippie would be destroyed by a stench greater than his own: the stench of beast mode.

After that awesome victory we'd go back into Stop and Shop victorious. That song by Muse would be playing, the one where the guy says WE. WILL. BE. VIC. TORIOUS. and all of the smokin' hot babes inside of Stop and Shop would be totally freaking out. And then oh man guess what would probably happen, the music inside of the food store would change into Rock Steady by the Whispers.

I should also add that the Stop and Shop I go to has a real guy that looks like Elvis. So I have the feeling that there could be tons more stories about this Stop and Shop. Alright that's really all I have for now, and may ever have.