Wednesday, April 29, 2009

What I did when I may or may not have had the swine flu


Last week.... sucked. I got sick after a most excellent camping trip with my clan (which for the purposes of anonymity, will be called the "Foot Clan"). Anyways, I got back and got sick. It sucked so hard. Normally I don't get sick because I drink a ridiculous amount of Mountain Dew which makes me awesome. That and I dropkick a lot of people which means I stay healthy and limber. But I woke up one morning and felt all crappy, which is probably what it feels like to be a hippie. I call this "the SUCK".

So I was laying down on my couch, and decided to watch a movie on demand. There were many choices of movies to watch... including countless Adam Sandler movies and other movies about awesome things. But I decided to change it up a bit and watch "Freddie Got Fingered" starring Tom Green. Let me just say that although it was overall quite awesome, I have determined that Tom Green is a sick, sick man. No one should ever touch horse gentials, and he did. If I met Tom Green I would immediately do a flying dropkick to his face which would instantly crush his skull. I would also do this to Barbara Streisand and Yanni. And the guy from the Sham Wow commericals. And that dude who does all the other info-mercials. And the old dude who does the diabetes commericals, the one who was on that stupid show during the 80's. And the old dude who does the Art institute commericals. And Jim Sokolov. And that stupid nerdy guy who wrote that book about natural remedies. And Oprah. And all the hosts of the view. And Judge Judy.... I could go on like this for hours. Basically they all suck and deserve to be dropkicked. The End.

2 comments:

Heather said...

you are sooo funny even being next to Mexico...you might have it!

Giorgio said...

Yanni is an eminent threat to our freedom. He must be terminated.

Who sucks more?

THIS GLOSSARY IS AWESOME

  • A
  • Awesome - everything on here is awesome, many other things are awesome, everything else sucks
  • B
  • Beast Mode - a spiritual and transcendental state of being, where you start to dominate at levels that cannot be recorded or even predicted. Things that may occur during Beast Mode include: death, destruction, total domination, logs found on top of fax machines, and much much more.
  • Blankday - when Blurnsday started to suck (and boy does it ever suck) it was renamed to Blankday. This is getting ridiculous. Anyways, it's probably going to get renamed into something equally as retarded next week. Stay tuned.
  • Blurnsday - formerly known as Tuesday, invented by Skippy and named by Archie to deny the existence of Tuesday
  • C
  • Celular - the name of our most awesome #1 fan.
  • D
  • Domination - one of the highest forms of winning
  • F
  • Final Jeopardy - when it's time not to give an answer, but ask the question...used often at 7:54pm on weeknights; sometimes closely related to laughing parties
  • H
  • Hippies - lamest form of life ever
  • L
  • Laughing party - Event that takes place when a ninja or pirate dude has an excellent, uh, sense of humor
  • N
  • Ninja- n., pl. ninja or -jas. A member of a class of 14th-century Japanese mercenary agents who were trained in the martial arts and hired for covert operations such as assassination and sabotage. They are known for their stealthiness and ability to flip out and kill people... besides that, they totally rock out hard, ripping guitar solos so sweet that it causes mass crapping of the pants. Their common enemy is the pirate.
  • T
  • Tuesday - something that sucks
  • Us...a couple of complete morons with computers. otherwise known as a terrible combination.