Here's the deal a******s:
2007 was the crappiest piece of crap year that the world ever crapped out of its pants. I mean sure there were a few things that made 2007 spectacular. Last year was nothing more than a set-up for what is about to happen in 2008. This is why I have decided to do what had to be done: set my 2008 new years resolutions.
In fact, I think that resolution in itself is a crappy word that sucks. The lifeless losers at Webster's define "resolution" as the act or process of resolving: as a: the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones b: the act of answering : solving c: the act of determining d: the passing of a voice part from a dissonant to a consonant tone or the progression of a chord from dissonance to consonance or more ridiculous crap which basically just means I haven't won yet and I probably will never ever win in the history of the universe.
Safe to say, if you're a katana wielding bridge jumping off train jumping on swan diving triple flipping dagger throwing book of secret totally sick moves writing book of secret totally sick moves reading mathematically discovering the formula for how Chuck Norris kicks faces off discovering AC/DC cranking meditating over herbal tea and pictures of Jessica Biel transcendentalizing...fundamentally dominant ninja...
You're not gonna walk past a fax machine without dropping a monster log on it.
And I'm pretty sure it goes without saying if you are a rum guzzling beard stroking parrot training bow and arrow wielding monkey training alligator wrestling broken bottle of gin used as a weapon stabbing barrel rolling cannon loading cannon shooting cannon throwing over a boat-ing Cannonball Run watching Run DMC listening knives sharpening belt loosening dart throwing pool playing chair breaking radiator defenestrating......intrinsically beastmodical pirate...
You're gonna put up with this caca.
2007.
Worst year in the world.
Until the birth of 200% Awesome.
This is the first full year of 200% Awesome coming up so I think it's only fair that certain resolutions be made. But since resolution isn't awesome enough, we need only to come up with a new word for this list of goals to be achieved by year's end.
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Who sucks more?
THIS GLOSSARY IS AWESOME
- A
- Awesome - everything on here is awesome, many other things are awesome, everything else sucks
- B
- Beast Mode - a spiritual and transcendental state of being, where you start to dominate at levels that cannot be recorded or even predicted. Things that may occur during Beast Mode include: death, destruction, total domination, logs found on top of fax machines, and much much more.
- Blankday - when Blurnsday started to suck (and boy does it ever suck) it was renamed to Blankday. This is getting ridiculous. Anyways, it's probably going to get renamed into something equally as retarded next week. Stay tuned.
- Blurnsday - formerly known as Tuesday, invented by Skippy and named by Archie to deny the existence of Tuesday
- C
- Celular - the name of our most awesome #1 fan.
- D
- Domination - one of the highest forms of winning
- F
- Final Jeopardy - when it's time not to give an answer, but ask the question...used often at 7:54pm on weeknights; sometimes closely related to laughing parties
- H
- Hippies - lamest form of life ever
- L
- Laughing party - Event that takes place when a ninja or pirate dude has an excellent, uh, sense of humor
- N
- Ninja- n., pl. ninja or -jas. A member of a class of 14th-century Japanese mercenary agents who were trained in the martial arts and hired for covert operations such as assassination and sabotage. They are known for their stealthiness and ability to flip out and kill people... besides that, they totally rock out hard, ripping guitar solos so sweet that it causes mass crapping of the pants. Their common enemy is the pirate.
- T
- Tuesday - something that sucks
- Us...a couple of complete morons with computers. otherwise known as a terrible combination.
2 comments:
I have only one New Year's resolution that is worth making: WIN. And I will.
Awesolution, ninja master. Awesolution.
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