Ninja Dance Hall Reggae Pirate Dub Sound System parts 1 2 & 3

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Warning: This Blog Contains Awesome Music Videos Which May Explode Your Face

One incredibly rambunctious day there was a pirate who worked harder than any other pirate on any other day in the history of pirates. This is the story of that pirate and that hard working day. This is the story of how ninjas try to ruin a perfectly good pirate party. This is a story that should be made into a movie solely because of its soundtrack. And its special effects. And its heartfelt drama. And its totally sick action scenes. This movie would be so sick that it would top the box office charts, win a crap load of awards and stuff, plus you would be able to get a toy from the movie with a purchase of a Kids Meal at Burger King. And not like a lame toy either but one of the really cool ones, maybe even a DVD or like an MP3 player or something, at the very least it would be a really awesome action figure, but not a lame action figure but one that did something cool, not just stand there and do nothing. Those are the kinds of kids meal toys that end up at yard sales, this movie would produce collectible kids meal toys.


PART 1:


So this pirate was working his booty off just to make enough loot to pay for his grub and pay for his rent. As you probably know, pirates love to party a lot more than they like to work. At the end of a long day at work, a pirate likes to enjoy a pint of ale or possibly just sit out on the deck and enjoy some sun. On this particular day, the pirate was incredibly stressed out. He got into his car and turned on the radio. This wonderful song came on the radio:

This was incredible. Suddenly the pirate was an extreme state of relaxation. He wasn't completely sure of what the reggae man was saying, but he did know it had something to do with something coming back around. One can only assume that he was referring to the pumpkin muffin, currently available at Dunkin' Donuts. I bet that would taste really good with a Maple Cheddar Breakfast Sandwich. Oh wait, they don't have those anymore, my mistake. This story is not about how awesome that sandwich used to be and how heartbroken all the ninjas are now that they are no longer available. Go wait in line at McDonalds for a McGriddle you McLosers. Yes, that was incredible.

So all the pirates got together to wait for the football game to come on. What better thing to do than order a couple of pizzas and listen to some choice reggae music on the local radio station, Emerson College Radio 88.9 WERS. I mean, wow, what a radio station. Seven o'clock rolls around, oh wait, it's definitely reggae time. After that incredible Collie Buddz song came on, the pirates started to get worried. "What we be listenin' to when the commercial break be on", asked one drunken pirate moron. "Aye, the reggae be the only music for me, it reminds me of when we crash our pirate ships on some island and they are playing music and all the ladies be shaking their booties, yarrr". "Yarr, I also love old school hip-hop". "Aye, that's kind of a stretch, but partial credit", commented the pirate leader, the one and only Surly Blondbeard. "Yeah that has nothing to do with this story", added me, the narrator.

All of a sudden, the radio changes stations! "Yarr, who have the remote"?



After watching this video, you'll know that this work had nothing to do with pirates, most of which don't even know how to work a remote for a radio or CD player, let alone locate such a remote unless it was buried deep in the ocean blue or at the very least, located on some type of treasure map with the X marks the spot. This was the work of a band of ninja dance club masters, a band of ninja dance club masters so sinister that they would interrupt a perfectly good reggae pirate party in favor of some 17 year old kid dancing around like a nincompoop.

Note: As I write this, I just want to say that I haven't actually watched these videos. Chris Brown might be the greatest dancer the world has ever seen, I certainly hope he is. Regardless, this story must continue to be told, primarily because it is 100% true. And 200% awesome.

PART 2:

"We think that reggae is okay but it is terrible to dance to", said the lead ninja.

"What are you talking about landlubber, I'm dancing right now!!", a pirate responded.

"Perhaps you are not dancing but just swaying back and forth because you are on land right now and you are used to being on a ship which sways back and forth because the ship is on the sea and when you're on the ocean you get used to the swaying back and forth so it's not actually dancing that you're doing but you're actually just trying to keep your balance even though the floor isn't actually moving but you're just so used to the floor moving because the floor is actually on the ocean which has an abundance of waves and other moving activity", the ninja replied.

"Or perhaps I be drunk, smarty pants".

One of the ninjas just stood there drinking grape soda and eating Lays Classic potato chips.

"LADS, JUST PUT THE CURSED REGGAE BACK ON, IT WILL RELAX THIS BAND OF ANGRY NINJA DANCE MASTER KARATE LANDLUBBERS AND WE SHALL ENJOY THE SMOOTH RELAXING SOUNDS OF CARIBBEAN MUSIC ONCE AGAIN!", Surly Blondbeard exalted.

One pirate who was near the stereo punched the entire entertainment center and somehow, most likely related to Davey Jones' Locker, a giant TV shot out of the whole thing and this video came on, shocking the ninjas out of the pirate hang out for good: You gotta see this nonsense.



Holy ****....mmkay?

Part 3:

A thunderous roar emits from outside. It sounds like something has caused the greatest most powerful earthquake. The ground trembles below the pirate shack hangout and swords and skulls crash to the ground with all of the other ancient pirate memorabilia that the pirates have collected, stolen and ordered from Home Shopping Network over the years. A giant box filled with a 38 piece set of authentic pirate scimitars, rapiers and battle axes falls to the floor with a CLANG! So much cheap metal clanging against each other is like cat claws scraping against a chalkboard to the somewhat hard of hearing pirate gang. Windows begin breaking and doors begin shaking and the floor is earthquaking and the chicken pot pie in the oven keeps baking. Pirates make a pretty amazing chicken pot pie. Surprised you didn't know that.

A blinding light shines throughout the sky and something glows from underground. Someone knocks on the door. RAP RAP RAP on the front door. "Who ye be?!?!" cries the pirate who just lost control of himself. "Who...ye....be...?!?!".

RAP.

RAP.

RAP.


On the front door. "Tell me this instant, who ye be". The pirates hear a soft clicking and clacking, clicking and clacking, clicking and clacking from outside the front door. "WHO YE BE! WHO CAN IT BE?!?!"

RAP.

RAP.

Click clack click. Click clack click.

Click.

Clack.

"WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!", yelled the pirates in unison.

Click clack click. Click clack click.

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO HEAR WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER. CLOSE THIS TALE NOW IF YOU CAN NOT LIVE WITH THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. IF YOU CHOOSE TO PROCEED, WATCH THE VIDEO BEFORE YOU.





The End







or is it?
?!?!?!?!?!?!?