This story is awesome. It is a story about a story an awesome ninja master, who no one knows his name. Legend has it that he killed a total of eleventy billion pirates in his lifetime, and that's a conservative estimate. By the age of 0 he did his first dropkick, which instantly killed his parents and made him an orphan. He decided right then and there that he would use his awesome skills to do good, and by good I mean kill stuff. And kill stuff he did. Pirates everywhere began to fear him for his awesome and deadly ways. Even other ninjas didn't mess with him because he could flip out at any time and kill them too, it was sheer insanity.
Anyways, one day he decided to start a dojo, and it would be the greatest dojo of all time, where he would hand pick the best ninjas from around the world to train into elite an Ninja Squad. This group of ninjas was the sickest, baddest, most mint group of ninjas... ever. All they did was train, kill stuff, and then train some more. They never slept, and they ate only once a day... when they devoured maple cheddar breakfast sandwiches in insane quantities. It didn't give them any special abilities, but it did enhance the already incredible abilities they had, which is pretty unbelievable if you ask me.
So one day, the Ninja master came into the dojo and had this really concerned look on his face. This surprised the Ninja Squad, because they had never seen him like this before. Whenever he would get pissed, he would just kill something and he would feel better instantly. One of the younger ninjas gathered the courage to ask him what was wrong, which was a bad idea, because the master did a running drop kick so hard he went right through the dude, instantly killing him.
He got off, brushed himself off and said "let that be a lesson for all of you that I am really pissed, and when I get pissed I don't like to be messed with". Then he said "the reason I have come to you is because we are all in serious trouble. And by all of us, I mean you guys, because I am never in trouble. Anyways, I just got word that there is a hippie concert going on not too far from here. For those of you who don't know, hippies suck. Not only do they suck, but they also smell bad.... REALLY bad. The problem wouldn't be that big of a deal except for the fact that a) they are really annoying and b) their increasing numbers are causing their smell to spread all over the planet and deplete the ozone. In fact, these hippies are the REAL reason for global warming, and they must be stopped. How ironic?"
All the ninjas looked around at each other in horror. One of them asked "what can we do about it?". The Ninja master replied, "you mean, what am I going to do, because you guys pretty much suck, and besides, the smell will definately kill you... it's that bad". The ninjas replied in unison "we will die together then!" (this story is dragging on way too long)
So they all go to the concert, start destroying stuff big time, but the smell was ridiculous. Half the ninjas died right away, and if I explained how they died it might cause you to lose control. The hippies didn't even have to do anything, the smell just killed everything in its path. But this made the Master wicked pissed off, and he decided to have the ninjas do a ridiculous move that never been done before.... the flying ninja foot of Death. The group jumped up and formed a giant foot which did a GIANT roundhouse kick to every hippie's head. It was the most mint move ever done, and was so awesome, it got rid of the smell entirely. In fact, all the hippies instantly turned into gold and babes, which all the nearby pirates stole immediately (stupid pirates). As to all the ninjas, they had done the most incredible move of all time (flying ninja foot of Death) which by sheer coincidence, killed THEM and not the hippies. It was all a moot point anyways, because they wouldn't have been able to handle the awesomeness. But the Ninja master did not die, no, in fact he used the opportunity to do the sick guitar solo from Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze" to perfection, and the lasting effects of this incredible music cannot be measured.
No one ever recalled what happened that day, the day the world was saved by this amazing ninja. But how did this story live on? I don't know... but the legend of the Ninja Master continues.
p.s. the Ninja Master's name is none other than Chuck Norris.
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Who sucks more?
THIS GLOSSARY IS AWESOME
- A
- Awesome - everything on here is awesome, many other things are awesome, everything else sucks
- B
- Beast Mode - a spiritual and transcendental state of being, where you start to dominate at levels that cannot be recorded or even predicted. Things that may occur during Beast Mode include: death, destruction, total domination, logs found on top of fax machines, and much much more.
- Blankday - when Blurnsday started to suck (and boy does it ever suck) it was renamed to Blankday. This is getting ridiculous. Anyways, it's probably going to get renamed into something equally as retarded next week. Stay tuned.
- Blurnsday - formerly known as Tuesday, invented by Skippy and named by Archie to deny the existence of Tuesday
- C
- Celular - the name of our most awesome #1 fan.
- D
- Domination - one of the highest forms of winning
- F
- Final Jeopardy - when it's time not to give an answer, but ask the question...used often at 7:54pm on weeknights; sometimes closely related to laughing parties
- H
- Hippies - lamest form of life ever
- L
- Laughing party - Event that takes place when a ninja or pirate dude has an excellent, uh, sense of humor
- N
- Ninja- n., pl. ninja or -jas. A member of a class of 14th-century Japanese mercenary agents who were trained in the martial arts and hired for covert operations such as assassination and sabotage. They are known for their stealthiness and ability to flip out and kill people... besides that, they totally rock out hard, ripping guitar solos so sweet that it causes mass crapping of the pants. Their common enemy is the pirate.
- T
- Tuesday - something that sucks
- Us...a couple of complete morons with computers. otherwise known as a terrible combination.
9 comments:
Once, Chuck Norris got bit by a cobra...5 days later the snake died.
That Story was Wicked Awesome!
As a result of the fallout of that hippie concert, I have so many hot former hippie chicks and so much gold and money from when those chicks decided to go out and get real jobs. Thanks Ninja Master!
Your archnemesis,
S.B.
P.S S my B's.
Dude. Don't you know anything? Hippies are pirates in disguise. Watch your back next time. Instead of kidn of reeking they will TOTALLY reek in order to steal from you. Just ask my old roomate. Hippie + Thief = Pirate.
that's a good point, I kind of assumed that hippies were really pirates, but I always assumed that they were kind of like mutant pirates on all sorts of... chemicals.
Never...EVER...make that comparison again.
Ninjas and pirates both hate the hippies with an intense passion. Pirates pride themselves on smelling worse than anyone and being experts in contradictory non-logic. Hippies trump pirates in both of these categories. Hippie thieves are out there, mostly because they don't want to "support" big corporations, but they still have wants and needs.
Pirates follow a totally different code, read a book, or better yet, continue to read the fine content of 200% Awesome. We support you as a fan, and you also look very lovely today.
you are partially right sir blondbeard. i was merely commenting that hippies and pirates look similar. both are usually in a rather intoxicated state and look and smell terrible. but that may be where the similarities end.
I know that pirates don't "flip out" the way that ninjas do, but I just wanted to let you know Mr. Master that I almost kicked the cable guy in the balls yesterday.
What do you do when you're about to lose it on some guy?
New material?
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