His name is now officially Chad Ocho Cinco

Is there a bigger pirate in all of professional sports? I think not...

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-bengals-ochocinco&prov=ap&type=lgns

Bengals WR Johnson reportedly changes name
Aug 29, 10:12 pm EDT
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CINCINNATI (AP)—Maybe receiver Chad Johnson can go by the name that his head coach hates.
The Cincinnati Bengals receiver has legally changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco in Broward County, Fla., a switch that became official this week, according to several media reports. Johnson, who lives in Miami, didn’t return a message left on his cell phone Friday night.
“It’s something I don’t think anyone has ever done before,” he told the team’s Web site. “Have I ever had a reason for why I do what I do? I’m having fun.”
Two years ago, Johnson gave himself the moniker—a reference in Spanish to his No. 85—and put it on the back of his uniform before a game. Quarterback Carson Palmer ripped it off before the kickoff. After the season, coach Marvin Lewis—who dislikes Johnson’s attention-getting stunts—referred to the receiver as “Ocho Psycho.”
Bengals spokesman Jack Brennan said the Bengals had no comment on the matter.
Johnson has been a concern for the Bengals this season. He unsuccessfully lobbied for a trade in the offseason, threatening to sit out if he didn’t get his way. When the Bengals refused, he relented and showed up for minicamp, but complained that his right ankle was bothering him.
He had bone spurs removed from the ankle and was limited at the start of training camp. In the second preseason game, he landed awkwardly and temporarily dislocated his left shoulder. Johnson is wearing a harness and expects to play in the season opener against Baltimore.

The Daily Ninja Sermon

The following is an excerpt from the top Secret Ninja Book of Excellence, Chapter 23; verses 12-21.

12 And then the ninja flew through the air doing a triple axle into a crowd of hippies and kicked all their faces in until they exploded. 13 It was awesome. 14 And then the ninja ripped out a super sweet Gibson Les Paul and started playing "One" by Metallica, which is impressive because it's really hard, you would know that if you played it on Guitar Hero.
15 Then all the sudden Metallica got all pissed off because they get all pissy about copyrighting stuff and plus they suck and don't write good music anymore. 16 This started a great battle between the members of Metallica and the great Ninja, and the Ninja started to insult Metallica like real bad saying stuff like "you guys are a giant pile of SUCK". 17 Lars Ulrich responded by saying "No we don't.. you guys". And right there the Ninja did a sick guitar solo where he played Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child with his toes.
18 Metallica left in shame, hanging their heads and having to change their pants because they lost control and crapped all over the place. 19 Then the most massive pile of gold and babes dropped out of the sky and spread throughout the land. 20 This is the first occurrence of "gold" and "babes" ever recorded, given to us by the Great Ninja GOD. 21 Unfortunately with this came the first pirates, which have been after the gold and babes ever since.
The End.

Ninjas in the news

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,407925,00.html

Cops: Men Dressed Like Ninjas Targeted Drug Dealers
Thursday, August 21, 2008

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CLIFTON, N.J. — Clifton police said they arrested two men dressed liked ninjas and armed with Asian martial arts weapons who said they were sending a warning to drug users.

Calling themselves "Shinobi warriors," the men wore black SWAT-type vests and carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows.

After being arrested early Wednesday in a car on Route 46, the men said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and drug users urging them to stop their "impure" activities.

The letters said those who persisted would be stopped with "justified yet, merciful force."

Tadeusz Tertkiewicz, 20, and 19-year-old Jesse Trojaniak are charged with weapons possession. Tertkiewicz is also charged with harassment for a letter left for an ex-girlfriend.

Trojaniak's father tells The Associated Press his son is "not a maniac" and was only trying to help a friend.

Failblog

Failblog.org is the biggest waste of time I have ever encountered and is almost fully responsible for the detriment of my mind as well as the lack of productivity I have only just recently encountered as a result of spending the majority of my time browsing through the pages and laughing uncontrollably in a work setting which favors those who are quiet as opposed to those who spend their time chuckling and sometimes bursting out in awkward fits of laughter that make the general populace of the workspace incredibly uncomfortable with their work environment AWESOME.

Awesome Site

In case some of you haven't seen it, this is an awesome site that you must visit. It's called failblog, and it highlights some very insanely funny failures out there. I found it one day and it changed my life, unfortunately it meant "losing control" like all the friggin time but that's a small price to pay. So anyways, enjoy.
http://failblog.org/

Karaoke 200% Awesome Style

200% Awesome Deathmatch Tournament

After a quick chat with Captain Gone 2 Far about Scott Harrison, I went back to my desk and put on my headphones to block out the incessant sounds of Russian techno, coworkers talking to themselves and other general nonsense. The song, "Hook" by Blues Traveler, right in the middle of one of the seven harmonica solos he plays in that song. And then the idea came up.

Scott Harrison vs. John Popper of Blues Traveler. Each guy gets one weapon, Popper's is obviously the harmonica. Scott Harrison's I'm not sure. But I'm gonna come up with a bunch of other matchups and then we'll start debates and put together a bracket for the tournament and it's all gonna end up on CNN. I'm losing my mind. Got it? Break!

(leave comments)

Sports

A few quick observations from a pirate about sports:

The Red Sox trade away their biggest ninja player, who seems to be talking about joining the enemy: the Yankees. Also, more and more resembling the biggest enemy: the hippies.

The Red Sox acquire Canadian slugger and all around awesome dude Jason Bay, formerly a member of the...that's right, Pirates...

I have also discovered there is a Cuban women's volleyball team. Sweet.